Beautiful and Healing VBAC Birth of Hux-ta-Bux

It took me almost a year to write this, but here it finally is. The birth story of my second baby, hux-ta-bux.

I haven't written a post on my first son's birth, but I may have mentioned it here and there in my posts. My first son was born via cesarean after a very long and very painful labor that left me exhausted. I got all the way to 10 cm, but was too tired and had an epidural at that point. On top of that, his head was huge. I was pretty grief stricken and struggled through a terribly hard and painful recovery after the dust settled. I controlled what I could after and fought through early difficulties, but managed to pretty much (he had some formula in the early days) exclusively breastfeed him and only just recently weaned him at 2 1/2 years old. Because, dammit, I wasn't also "failing" at breastfeeding and I was bound and determined NOT to go through another cesarean.

Bad Mommy Moments

I have come to realize that nothing will make me feel like a crappy mama faster than a recalcitrant toddler on a weekday morning when I'm trying to get everyone out of the house and to daycare and work on time. Most of the time I adore parenting my toddler and spending time watching him grow, learn, and discover the world. Monday morning when I'm already behind because I'm struggling to get back in the work day routine and Dude-y is too tried and cranky to be cooperative as far as just getting dressed and out the door makes my blood boil. I try pleading, begging, bargaining, bribery, and eventually resort to screaming, shoving clothes on him, and usually dragging him out of the house kicking and screaming with no shoes on. It's not a pretty sight and I feel terrible watching him melt down, scream, and cry. I try so hard to model calm. Most days I can do it even when he's not willing to work with me, but some days are just too much for both of us.

The Crazy Thing About Life

The crazy thing about life is that it takes you down interesting paths and on journeys you never expected to experience.  My life has taken some unexpected, never before imagined turns as of late.  I have been absent from this blog because I didn't want to write about these things and I couldn't bring myself to write about what I had been writing about.  I've finally come to a point where I want to share a bit of what is going on in my life and actually write again.

Pinterest is Responsible for this Inspiration of Evil

I am working on and fleshing out some really deep and hopefully inspiring posts, but Pinterest is responsible for sparking all kinds of creativity in me and sidelining more meaningful projects. The below recipe is inspired by all the things with Oreos shoved in them.

You'll need the following:

• 1-2 boxes of Funfetti Cake Mix
• The ingredients to make the cake according to the directions (water, oil, eggs)
• 24 regular Oreos
• 24 Golden Oreos
• peanut butter
• Nutella

Mix the cake mix according to the box.  I only used one box in this recipe, but two may have been better.

Spread a layer on the bottom if using one box, half if doing the whole box.

Start spreading peanut butter on the regular Oreos.

Arrange them in the pan on top of the first layer of batter until you have used all 24.

Start spreading Nutella on the Golden Oreos.

Arrange them on top of the regular Oreos until you have used all 24.

Pour the remaining batter on top.  Spread around if necessary.

Bake for at least 10 minutes more than the directions on the box.  Check the cake with a toothpick.  It is done when the toothpick comes out clean of batter.  You may also need to rotate the cake half way though if you oven sometimes bakes a little unevenly.

Let cool for at least 10 minutes.  Once cooled, cut and enjoy.  It's great if it's still a little warm.  MMMMMmmmmm

Summer Blog Challenge Day 14 - June 14-- Give your followers 15 tipstoget through life.

Today I'm supposed to give you 15 things to get through life.  I'm no expert, but here are some things that have worked for me:

1. Breathe!  No matter what, stopping to breathe always helps. Yoga is great for helping to concentrate your mind on your breath.
2. Take time for yourself. Recharging helps you help others.
3. Do your homework. It really pays to research things beforehand so you can make better decisions in the moment. This includes everything from becoming a parent, to buying cars and houses, and almost everything else.
4. Go with your gut. So, do your research, but listen to your instincts. They usually won't steer you wrong.
5. Change your oil in your car regularly.  It will save you a lot of headache.  I know, I've been there!
6. Don't care about what others think.  This is a hard one for me, but I've been improving.
7. Moderation is a good thing, but don't forget to let loose every now and again.
8. Follow the 80/20 rule for food.  80% of the time eat well and balanced meals, enjoy the other 20%.  Oh, and remember that we are NOT designed to eat 24/7.  The media and food companies have convinced us that we must eat every 2-3 hours, 6 times a day or our metabolisms will come to a screeching halt!  This is so not true.  Frequent eating is for babies, children, and (perhaps) pregnant and nursing women.  Our parents and grandparents ate 2-3 meals a day with maybe a light snack and they were far less overweight than we are.
9. No one is perfect.  Yes, even me and you! Give ourselves a break and watch how everyone flourishes.  (I swear I try George!)
10.  Don't judge.  You never know what the other person can handle, where they've been, what their values are, and exactly who they are on the inside. I try and try and try on this one.  Some days I'm better at this than other days.
11. Loose the guilt.  If you did something you didn't like, take note and work to do differently the next time.  Guilt won't help you move ahead and will only keep you stuck.  And no self punishing!
12. Love your body.  Love it exactly as it is.  Love what it can do and what it's done.  Stop looking for the flaws and admire the beauty and strength.  And move that body!  It was meant to MOVE!!! It will do wonders for you, your children, and your relationships if you can be comfortable in your own skin and love your body.
13. Don't compare yourself to others.  Do improve yourself, but only compare yourself to yourself.  You are not your spouse/partner, mother, father, brother, sister, son, daughter, neighbor, coworker, enemy, etc.  You are you and if we were all the same it would be one boring place.
14. Expand your horizons and push your limits.  Read a different kind of book, try a new food, travel to a new place, try a new exercise or activity, or anything else new and/or challenging.  You might just surprise yourself. ;-)
15. Finally, laugh, play, and enjoy the little things!

Click HERE to quickly find the rest of my Summer Blog Challenge posts.

Summer Blog Challenge Day 13 - June 13-- How you see yourself by theend of the year.

I don't know quite how to answer this one. I do tend to plan ahead and have vague dreams for the future, but the older I get, the more I find it beneficial to take everything one day at a time. I'm trying to live in the now and not worry so much about what ifs and where I should or shouldn't be in 6 months, a year, ten years, etc.

I'm much less anxious this way and I find myself catching the magic of each day more. I'm not saying I want to blow all my money and not care about the security of my future. I just find that if I think too much about all the details, I miss the now. I do want to have started graduate school by the end of the year, but otherwise I'm enjoying the ups and downs of the journey too much to plan too much.

Click HERE to quickly find the rest of my Summer Blog Challenge posts.

I'm so over this...

I'm sitting here attached to a machine, plastic parts held up with a hands free device, the pump whirring away sounding like it's saying "le pump, le pump" over and over to my ears, and I just can't stop thinking about how OVER this I am!  I'm so tired of toting the bag, having my husband clean the supplies, being locked away for 30-60 minutes a day, not having lunch with my co-workers, and the whole deal with pumping.  It is one of the most unnatural and isolating things I've ever done and I'm ready to be done with it.  Continuing to nurse my son is very, very important to me, but as I draw closer to his birthday, my time at the pump is becoming more and more of a hated activity.  I think it's time to wean, after all, the pump has no feelings!

In the beginning I didn't love pumping, but I loved knowing that I was continuing to provide that magical food that is breast milk to my son while I was away at work.  I happily strapped myself to it and played games and caught up on Facebook on my phone while the machine thoughtlessly and coldly did it's thing.  The pump and I actually had a very successful relationship in the beginning.  I actually came home with more milk at the end of the week than at the beginning of the week.  Often 2-3 oz more!  But it quickly became a love-hate relationship as I soon discovered this abundance of milk was causing upset for my dude-y pie.  When I cut back on pumping, I started getting plugs! Oh so fun! There was no easy way for me to taper off since I only ever pumped twice while I was at work.  The best I could do was pump until I hit a certain amount between my two sessions and cut them early.  Thankfully after 6 months, my hormones calmed down and the plugs were mostly a thing of the past.

But now, with less than 2 months to my dear baby's first birthday, I'm contemplating when to throw in the towel on pumping.  Once a day is my current practice unless things seem to be dipping too much.  I know I can go a whole work day without pumping.  I often do on Fridays when I'm busy and/or don't feel like it. My freezer stash is almost gone now.  I think there are 4 bags in my mom's freezer and that's it.  I can build it back up in a heartbeat if need be.  The other thing is my dear son just isn't taking milk during the day as much.  He loves his food and lets you know when he wants food and not milk! He left at least 3 oz of the 7 oz I sent yesterday. He prefers his milk from mom when I return home, through the night, and during the weekends at nap time.  As much as I hate the pump, I am conflicted and want to make sure I'm providing properly for him.  Formula during the day just isn't an option with his sensitivity to milk products and I probably won't be introducing cow's milk after his first birthday.  What's a girl to do?!?!

Anyone else have some BTDT experience? If you did pump, when did you stop pumping while at work?

Extremism - Where's the Balance?

So I've been mulling over and discussing the recent TIME cover photo and article (Here's a link in case you've been hiding under a rock the past few days and missed it.) and have been struggling to figure out exactly what I want to say about this. I have had many people ask me about this and say that they've thought about me when they heard about it as I'm fairly open about my crunchy, hippy mama style of parenting. I'm fairly open in general about my life, so this is nothing new.

I often proudly admit to being a bleeding heart liberal whose passionate about women's rights (and now children's rights), but I find this picture uncomfortable, demeaning, and exploitative. It's not that the child is 3 years old. It's not that the woman's breast is partially visible. It's that the pose seems slightly suggestive and clearly sensationalist. It's that the mother seems so detached. It's that the title implies that mothers who don't do this are not up to the challenge of being a mother. And I think most importantly, it's that the balance that helps create happy, healthy attached families is completely missing from this sensationalist piece of journalism designed to sell magazines and stir controversy.

I plan on discussing this more, but I just need more time to process. Please check out the links below for information from Attachment Parenting International on their eight principles. And please, let me know your thoughts.
API's Eight Principles
API's Blog Post About the Principles