Beautiful and Healing VBAC Birth of Hux-ta-Bux

It took me almost a year to write this, but here it finally is. The birth story of my second baby, hux-ta-bux.

I haven't written a post on my first son's birth, but I may have mentioned it here and there in my posts. My first son was born via cesarean after a very long and very painful labor that left me exhausted. I got all the way to 10 cm, but was too tired and had an epidural at that point. On top of that, his head was huge. I was pretty grief stricken and struggled through a terribly hard and painful recovery after the dust settled. I controlled what I could after and fought through early difficulties, but managed to pretty much (he had some formula in the early days) exclusively breastfeed him and only just recently weaned him at 2 1/2 years old. Because, dammit, I wasn't also "failing" at breastfeeding and I was bound and determined NOT to go through another cesarean.

Bad Mommy Moments

I have come to realize that nothing will make me feel like a crappy mama faster than a recalcitrant toddler on a weekday morning when I'm trying to get everyone out of the house and to daycare and work on time. Most of the time I adore parenting my toddler and spending time watching him grow, learn, and discover the world. Monday morning when I'm already behind because I'm struggling to get back in the work day routine and Dude-y is too tried and cranky to be cooperative as far as just getting dressed and out the door makes my blood boil. I try pleading, begging, bargaining, bribery, and eventually resort to screaming, shoving clothes on him, and usually dragging him out of the house kicking and screaming with no shoes on. It's not a pretty sight and I feel terrible watching him melt down, scream, and cry. I try so hard to model calm. Most days I can do it even when he's not willing to work with me, but some days are just too much for both of us.

The Crazy Thing About Life

The crazy thing about life is that it takes you down interesting paths and on journeys you never expected to experience.  My life has taken some unexpected, never before imagined turns as of late.  I have been absent from this blog because I didn't want to write about these things and I couldn't bring myself to write about what I had been writing about.  I've finally come to a point where I want to share a bit of what is going on in my life and actually write again.