Monday, June 9, 2014

Bad Mommy Moments

I have come to realize that nothing will make me feel like a crappy mama faster than a recalcitrant toddler on a weekday morning when I'm trying to get everyone out of the house and to daycare and work on time. Most of the time I adore parenting my toddler and spending time watching him grow, learn, and discover the world. Monday morning when I'm already behind because I'm struggling to get back in the work day routine and Dude-y is too tried and cranky to be cooperative as far as just getting dressed and out the door makes my blood boil. I try pleading, begging, bargaining, bribery, and eventually resort to screaming, shoving clothes on him, and usually dragging him out of the house kicking and screaming with no shoes on. It's not a pretty sight and I feel terrible watching him melt down, scream, and cry. I try so hard to model calm. Most days I can do it even when he's not willing to work with me, but some days are just too much for both of us.

I have read and re-read the sites and blogs on attachment parenting and more. I adore Dr. Laura Markham for putting these ideas in practical terms and real world examples. But, as a human, I have come to realize that I will fail. And sometimes fail miserably. I will set up routines to help him transition and yet inevitably fail or forget a piece. I try hard to model what I want for my child and one of the hardest things I've had to do is to apologize to him, state my mistake, and let him know I will work to not do the same again. The other extremely hard thing for me is remaining calm when things are out of my control and I have a deadline to met (i.e., getting to work on time). I also have realized that I can cut my activities down to the things that matter most to me and prioritize, but there will still be times that I have to do something and as much as I want to allow him more time, it just isn't there and tears will be involved.

I am currently counting down the days to when Dude-y and Hux-ta-Bux will be in the same daycare and I'll feel a little less mad and harried in the morning. When Dude-y's meltdowns in the morning will not be such a catastrophic event since I will have more time. I hugged Hux-ta-Bux close this morning as I finally got him to daycare, wondered why I was wishing him out of the infant stage so fast, and relishing that he is at the stage where it's easy to get him out of the house in the morning. Perhaps tonight, Dude-y will be dressed in clothes for bed (if I can convince him they are PJs) or tomorrow he may just be showing up at daycare in PJs...

Share your bad mommy moments below. When have you felt like a failure? Let's help each other not beat ourselves up when we stumble as the very human parents we are and work toward improving for tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that.

Something I think I need to read daily. Strong willed children