Thursday, June 7, 2012

I'm so over this...

I'm sitting here attached to a machine, plastic parts held up with a hands free device, the pump whirring away sounding like it's saying "le pump, le pump" over and over to my ears, and I just can't stop thinking about how OVER this I am!  I'm so tired of toting the bag, having my husband clean the supplies, being locked away for 30-60 minutes a day, not having lunch with my co-workers, and the whole deal with pumping.  It is one of the most unnatural and isolating things I've ever done and I'm ready to be done with it.  Continuing to nurse my son is very, very important to me, but as I draw closer to his birthday, my time at the pump is becoming more and more of a hated activity.  I think it's time to wean, after all, the pump has no feelings!

In the beginning I didn't love pumping, but I loved knowing that I was continuing to provide that magical food that is breast milk to my son while I was away at work.  I happily strapped myself to it and played games and caught up on Facebook on my phone while the machine thoughtlessly and coldly did it's thing.  The pump and I actually had a very successful relationship in the beginning.  I actually came home with more milk at the end of the week than at the beginning of the week.  Often 2-3 oz more!  But it quickly became a love-hate relationship as I soon discovered this abundance of milk was causing upset for my dude-y pie.  When I cut back on pumping, I started getting plugs! Oh so fun! There was no easy way for me to taper off since I only ever pumped twice while I was at work.  The best I could do was pump until I hit a certain amount between my two sessions and cut them early.  Thankfully after 6 months, my hormones calmed down and the plugs were mostly a thing of the past.

But now, with less than 2 months to my dear baby's first birthday, I'm contemplating when to throw in the towel on pumping.  Once a day is my current practice unless things seem to be dipping too much.  I know I can go a whole work day without pumping.  I often do on Fridays when I'm busy and/or don't feel like it. My freezer stash is almost gone now.  I think there are 4 bags in my mom's freezer and that's it.  I can build it back up in a heartbeat if need be.  The other thing is my dear son just isn't taking milk during the day as much.  He loves his food and lets you know when he wants food and not milk! He left at least 3 oz of the 7 oz I sent yesterday. He prefers his milk from mom when I return home, through the night, and during the weekends at nap time.  As much as I hate the pump, I am conflicted and want to make sure I'm providing properly for him.  Formula during the day just isn't an option with his sensitivity to milk products and I probably won't be introducing cow's milk after his first birthday.  What's a girl to do?!?!

Anyone else have some BTDT experience? If you did pump, when did you stop pumping while at work?